Recently my colleague, the Snowman (Yahya Snow), applied for a position in DCCI Ministries. Not to be outdone, I would also like to submit my application as follows –

Dear Elizabeth and Hatun,

I am officially submitting my application to join DCCI Ministries. Like my friend Yahya Snow, I too believe that I have great ideas to help your ministry grow and become a success.

To begin with, they say good things come in threes, some famous examples are the Trinity and the number of people who think you’re good at debating. However, let me put forth the argument that good things come in fours. For example, Arsene Wenger has been making millions in London just off of placing 4th. I am sure you know the popular saying that two’s a company, three’s a crowd, well what they don’t tell you is that four’s a ministry.

If my application were successful, I’d wholeheartedly ditch the whole scarves for modesty thing. It’s the summer, it might not bode well for the Snowman (Yahya Snow), but being from a tropical island, I thrive on the heat. I mean think about it, I’ve faced heat from Sam Shamoun, David Wood, Samuel Green, James White, Joseph Jay Smith, yet here I am, still standing. That’s the kind of resilience I think your ministry can benefit from.

I have a long history with your previous ministry as well. Joseph Jay Smith’s comments and claims, led to tens of thousands of views on my website and led to the same number of downloads for my paper response to him. Technically speaking, that would mean that whenever I work with Pfander, I bring the views, I bring the downloads, I bring the clicks. With that level of success behind me, just imagine what I can do with DCCI.

That reminds me about the name. I have no idea why you chose that name, but whoever chose it wanted this ministry to fail. Not only are there a couple hundred ministries already out there with some variations of DCI, DCC and DCCI, which would inevitably lead to some confusion, who in their right mind puts a comma in their name? I’m pretty sure that should we challenge Hatun to say it five times quickly she won’t be able to.

On the other hand, I am completely down to Defend Christ. I agree that we need to defend folks from confusing man with God by both deifying man and humanizing God. I think we need people who are willing to distinguish between God and man, along with folks who also reject the idea that God can gain and lose abilities, be subservient to his own attributes, or even suffer. Though I am a bit confused, as a Christian organization why don’t you feel the need to defend the Father or the Holy Spirit? I’m sure people lie about them too, I’m just uncertain as to why there is a habit of neglecting the other personalities of God.

As for the Critique Islam part, this is where I fear we may run into some problems. Not so much in that I won’t critique Islam, it’s more that you won’t allow me to. See, I am completely willing to critique terrorists like ISIS and other extremists groups, but I fear that you will censure me since you accept that their version of Islam is true. That my friends, would make the both of you apologists for terrorists, apologists for ISIS, how then can I join a ministry that is not willing to reject and critique violent extremists? I admit, your support and defense of them is worrying, but I am willing to risk my ears, to guide you to the truth in the hope that you will one day stop your support for the beliefs of terrorists.

I’m great at video editing and at Photoshop, I mean, look at that fantastic photo of the four of us at the start of this post. Tempting, isn’t it? The prospect of us four would do wonders for the apologetics world. With the four of us together, you are now guaranteed to have at least two capable members with years of experience behind them. Just imagine the amount of blogging Yahya Snow would do. The amount of videos he’d pump out. Heck, I imagine that should we leave him to his own devices, he could grow this ministry quite well. On the other hand, you’d finally have someone capable of knowing how to pronounce Qira’at, you’d know someone who’s able to read your scripture in its original language – Koine Greek, that way you’d finally be able to understand what the New Testament says.

I look forward to working with you three.

Regards,
Ijaz Ahmad.

Categories: And Now for Something Completely Different

Tags: Christianity, dcci, debate, defending christ critiquing islam, elizabeth schofield, hatun tash, hyde park, ijaz ahmad, Islam, yahya snow